My online life

My online life

In the early 90's when my former bffl(best friend for life) sold me her Commodore64c-I never thought nor could imagine how my life would transform itself.

I knew NOTHING about how to use a computer. My second hand puter came with lots of wires a monitor, and was heavy as hell. I can remember the excitement of riding with my pastor and his wife to go pick it up.

I didn't know computers had so many wires and such to hook it up. I paid $600 bucks(she gangted me, I know) and I wanted in to the world she described to me. Talking to people from all around the world!

I had a pen pal who lived in Alice Springs, Australia. He and I had met on a NYC bus. He looked like the spitting image of Andy Gibb and we struck up a conversation. From there we just wrote to one another.

Back then there were no unlimited and free nights and weekends and the thought of owning a cellphone was just a dream. But we stayed in touch for years just writing our thoughts with pen to paper.

I somehow learned how to set that computer up. When I hit the power button-my world forever changed.

I had this wilderness game(If I could find the online version I would be eternally happy)and you had to think about your next mood. All of the choices were in multiple choice form and whatever you decided would either advance you, have the indians capture or kill you and whatnot.

I had fun for HOURS with that game. Then my former bffl asked me if I had tried going online yet. I saw that Prodigy diskette-but shoo, I thought it was just another game.

I stuck that diskette in and twenty minutes later I was online with people! I didn't like it. Plus, it was $4.99 an hr! Back then I preferred to pass my boring hours at work talking and laughing on the Party Lines. At least they people were more real to me as opposed to reading and waiting for people to reply.

In 1996, I finally realised that my computer was booty. I purchased a pc with a little fifteen inch monitor. AOL had UNLIMITED internet access for just $9.99! I could "surf" the internet as much as I wanted and there more places to visit online!

AOL had a chat, but I wasn't partial to typing to white people. Not being racist, but I wanted to communicate with black folk. There were so few of us online at that time that you quickly learned who were the sistahs and brothas.

I watched the black sites open and shutdown. I moved along the messageboards with the cyber associates I had bonded with.

We had offline Meet and Greets. Folks from all over when they came into town, you hooked them up and vice versa. Hooking someone didn't entail SEX. It was showing them your town. If you "hooked up" in a sexual manner that was something entirely different.

Then the costs of the computers began to fall. Rent A Center was renting computers to anyone who wanted one.

A different eliment started logging on. The good people started backing off and away from online. The criminals, drama queens and kings began their irreversable reign.

Now anyone and everyone comes online.

I can honestly say that I haven't had any personal horror stories, but I witnessed plenty. Folks faking their deaths, childrens deaths, pregnancies. I had read about people who were murdered in real life and or raped. I have seen the marriages disovle over cyber cheating and real life sexing.

I have personally had guys try to play on my weaknesses. But I thank God for my parents and A Current Affair, Hard Copy and other news magazines for alerting me about what to look out for and how to use COMMON SENSE 101.

Oh, the playas live online and they count on you falling for them. I am too paranoid of thinking about the idea of meeting the black version of Jeffery Dahmer or Ted Bundy.

For the pat ten years, I have left the internet where it belongs-online. Yeah, these are the same people I pass everyday without one thought about what they do behind closed doors.

I have learned that if I don't email chain letters to at LEAST ten people that an alien monkeyshark will eat off my toe next to my pinky toe. People who send chain letters should be lined up and shot in the groin. Ever find yourself counting the amount of people you have in the address box to make sure you have your ten people covered? Ever have to forward a chain letter to twenty people and you realise that you don't have twenty saved addresses?

I have been waiting on the ever elusive Bill Gates to send me my check for forwarding my emails to twenty of my closest friends.

I have learned that coca cola can clean my toilet as well as eat away at my kidneys, so I am glad that I am Pepsi drinker. woooo hoooooooo

I am torn about eating mutant chickens from KFC, but I can't turn away from the original cooked chicken.

When I go out to have a drink or two, I cover my drink so that I won't wind up in Mexico as a sex slave because Iamamentalcase37's cousin baby daddy uncle moms cousin had it happen to her. If a guy approaches me, I instantly wonder if he is being nice to me just because he thinks my kidneys are sexy? If I turn my head will I wake up in a bathtub full of ice and a note?

The internet has also educated me. I am a good Christian woman. I don't buy from Proctor and Gamble nor Liz Claiborn because they went on Oprah and bragged about supporting the church of satan. Doesn't matter Oprah doesn't have any show to support this and has disclaimed it because four months down the line she will suddenly remember that show but is too afraid to air it again for fear on the evil one sucking the life out of her.

The call it the Worldwide Net, and they never lied. I am trapped in a world full of nutcases.

A lot of people don't know that Let's Go Crazy was originally Prince's version of a Christian song before he switched the lyrics.

Every year, as long as I can remember-on my birthday or a little after or before, my daddy would sit me down and ask me to sum up the year of my life. As I got older, it ANNOYED me because I never wanted to answer. Especially, in my teen years. I think that is why I never had a child. lol

Even before he asks me now, I sum up my year. I reflect on my positives and my failures. My heartaches and my Happiness. I can honestly admit that for the first time in my life-I am taking each day as the gift God has given to me to breathe breath.

I also think that I am maturing. (gasp!) Things that stressed me out before, I kind of shrug off and just give it to God. Before I turn it over to Him, I ask Him how can I do better, or what could I have done, or how should this be handled. To TEACH ME.

When I think about the people whom I have come across in this thing called Life, I chuckle at my choices. The things that I held dear and near to me and how a lot of the times they just went away for whatever reason. I realize my growth in these experiences.

Most of all, I observe other people. I am really good at reading past the exterior. (Except when it comes to those that I hold dear to my heart) As I grow older I see more and more sadness in people. We hold onto the things that aren't tangible or fulfilling in our spirits.

If we learned to let the b.s. go, then our lives will become more fulfilling. If we stop living in a private world of deception and envy-maybe those things that we hope to attain will draw near to us.

It sounds so simple-yet we fight against it every single day. We numb ourselves through drugs, alcohol, music, friends, lovers, family, associates and everything that takes us away from whom we really are inside.

I have also learned to filter what I allow people to say to me or about me. Now when my Hataz hate-I just pray for them. Obviously they need prayer because I am on their mind! lol Of all of the things that they could concentrate on in this world, ie: Darfur, China, the upcoming elections, world hunger, high assed gas and food, cures for diseases-they choose me! lol I say let them have fun.

Life is wayyy to short to be worrying about insignificant things. I can't see how folks waste their time worrying about other peoples lives. lol

Happiness and contentment begins within FIRST. You cannot draw positive to your life if you are living negatively. The two can't reside in the same life.

So now when my daddy asks me about my year, I just tell him that I am not the same person I was a year ago and hopefully I will be even better during my new year.

I look in my own eyes and I am starting to see life in them. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Totally excited about my trip Wednesday

I have never and most likely would NEVER work for Amtrak. I don't like the public that much. lol

But I DO love riding the train! It is my dream one day to ride across the country from sea to shining sea and back via the train before I die.

There is something about knowing that I am about to travel on the train that psyches me up! I stay up all night packing and all of those last minute checks and triple checks. Putting my ice packs in the freezer. Putting my cooler on the counter to remind me to put the ice packs in the cooler. Packing my lunch in the cooler. Putting the laptop in the case and all of my dvd's and the such to entertain myself.

Looking at Big Bertie (my suitcase) and admiring the lightness of pulling it knowing that on my return-it will be packed to the brim! lol

My ticket has been in my laptop case since I purchased it-yet I will check four more times before the taxi brings me to the station.

Then there is the waiting. The watching of the clock in the station, the looking at my watch while my eyelids are drooping from exhaustion. About a half hour before the train arrives, I go up to the platform and smoke all that I can because my next smoke break won't be until I get to Washington.

Then comes the moment that the horn I hear is the one I have been waiting for-my train!

I am lucky, the train usually is pretty empty and I always look for the front seats so I can stretch my legs. I spread my activity center on the seat next to me and then I watch the rails until about Philly and doze off.

I love to get off at the smoke break in D.C. and watch them change the engine from electric to diesel. It is amazing at the ability God has given to man to do such things!

My next smoke break is Richmond and by that time, I am usually fully up by then. I will doze off and on until my final destination of Fayetteville.

The one thing that I think about when I am riding are the slaves. How they WALKED to freedom and it wasn't just a ten-twelve hour walk (Amtrak is ALWAYS LATE). How determination and danger pushed them to walk until they were safe. I often ask myself would I have had that kind of tenacity.

Unfortunately, that isn't the ending riding for me, cuz from there I have another two hours to ride! lol

But all in all-I love it!

I have been forty for thirteen days now. Man, it's surreal! I haven't grown up yet! lol

I don't LOOK forty. I surely don't FEEL forty. But the number one thing I am blessed to be is FORTY. So many of my peers didn't even make it halfway to this age. One of my homies from High School was killed in a car accident in February of this year. Dude was one of the coolest people on this planet.

I am loving my new laptop. I being the Taurean woman that I am-I don't do well with huge changes! lol The keys are slightly transposed but hey-I am dealing with it. lol

I am loving the ability to be mobile now. I still have my old standby-it's raggedy old and clumpy but my gateway and I had rolled for almost ten years! Folks asked me How on Earth did my puter last that long! lol I tell them that just like with a raggedy car-you pray everytime you try to start it up that it will! lmaooooooooo

Now I can FINALLY start with this lifestyle eating change. I am wayyyyyyyyy too big now. I don't mind being big-but I need to lose about seventy pounds and I will be cool. Being six two makes it easy to get away with the extras-but this belly has GOTSTA GO. Yuck!

Want to shout out Rick of Mint Condition for supporting BigDaddiProductions and allowing me to post the new album info on the site! I support these guys because I love MUSIC. Not the pre-manufactured crap-I want to hear drums-not drum machines and you definately get that with The Mint. (I stand by my jammie jam-Forever in your eyes)

They don't make love songs like that anymore.

What is REALLY going on?

In the last month or so, every time I turn on the news-there is some natural disaster going on somewhere on this small planet of ours.

It is snowing in MAY no less, where it has never snowed before. Places where tornado's and hurricanes are extremely rare are almost a daily occurrence.

Our economy is collapsing on top of itself with no relief in site. I am NOT at all satisfied with any of the potential presidential candidates that I have to choose from. Obama umms too much when he has to talk on the fly-none of that eloquence I am used to hearing from him. Back at the Democratic National Convention in 2004, I vowed to vote for this dude if he EVER ran for the office of the presidency. But I expected him to run in 2012. He is holding his own right now, but l can't feel 100% confident behind him.

I signed up to volunteer for him A YEAR ago and let me tell you-the people that I have come across are all about standing behind status as opposed to standing behind the candidate and the real issues.

I am pissed off DAILY at Hillary. The flip flopping and lawyering and grasping at the non-sensical issues- ANNOY ME. The playing up to whatever the media has as the "issue of the moment" she jumps right on it. Bill isn't helping her cause either. The more he speaks the more I feel vindicated for not trusting his behind. In my mind, he isn't "America's First Black President" or honorary black man. He is a smart man who knows how to tread and charm. He makes Hillary look like she can't stand on her own. I have always admired Hillary- but lately she is losing ground with me.

John McCain isn't even an option. I am NOT voting Republican this election. I cannot and will not support a man who has a hot temper, whose wife won't reveal her taxes, a man who absoluely hasn't tried to embrace the black community nor support the MLK holiday. No thanks.

My vote IS going to come down to Obama and Clinton. I need to see some REAL action and hear Real Solutions as how this country is going to start to heal-and BRING JOBS BACK TO THE USA!!

So, as I watch catastrophes on the television, I find myself praying harder and more real than I have ever done so before.

For the first time in my life, I am honestly frightened. For the first time as an American, I can no longer look away and keep up false hope that things are going to get better. I see more unemployment, more foreclosures, Walmart and Costco are rationing food-man this isn't The Great Depression! People are not taking medication because they have to choose between life and homelessness! Gas is four bucks a gallon!

Yes, I am praying much harder.

I read the nicest profile today

Ok, so I won't nitpick the few typos-but I have to comment on it.

Seriously, I've read a whole lot of profiles online andvery few actually grab my attention. It wasn't the photos or the design. It was the simplicity of the content. It wasn't pretentious or full of "game"-just real.

Why can't more people just be seriously REAL about themselves? I will be the first to tell you that I am not a supermodel, I am not an internet millionairess (though I am destined to be one in real life ) nor do I have it all together.

Daily, I find myself repenting and asking God to don't give up on me just yet! HE answers me by allowing my eyes to open and the ability to put my left and right leg on the floor to stand and walk and begin my day.

It's funny when you talk about God folks automatically associate it with RELIGION. God doesn't deal in religion. It was religion that nailed Jesus to the cross.

I refuse to label myself except for that I am a follower of Christs teachings. In layman's terms-I strive to be Christ like.

I was impressed because I know what that person was saying. It didn't brag nor did it go for the sob route. I loved it!

Today is Mothers Day. Sigh. I miss my mother soooooooooooo much. But God doesn't make mistakes...

Turning Forty and Feeling Old Maidish-Finally!!

On Friday May 2nd, I turned forty years old! Yayyyyyyyyyyy-I think. I am honestly feeling like an old maid.

Back in college, all I could think about was taking over the world and making my mark.

I was very careful about dating and I had it all planned that I would definitely be married by the age of 30 and every three years (at LEAST TWICE)after that, punch out a couple of kids. Of course I had their names all set out.

I retired my rock n roll lifestyle and joined corporate america. I succeeded as an accountant and lived comfortably.

In the period between twenty two and twenty nine I dated a pathological liar- starved myself to please him (which was all for moot and he wasn't happy) , an assistant d.a. -he was a pervert, and a dude whose occupation may or may not have been legal(I know parts of it WAS LEGAL, but I really never delved into it too much). It was HE whom I actually fell in love with. We were "the perfect couple" and I was close to my goal! Yessssssssssss! (Ok, so what I was thirty, but I was getting there) The year 2000 was coming fast and I wanted a millennium wedding. All was well until the blueblackbastardfromthepitofhell cheated on me in December.

I was insulted because my grandmother had passed the month before and while I was out of state to bury her-he was sleeping with another chick. I am no chickenhead-I dumped his ass STAT!

I made his favorite dinner and had a huge bottle of Hennessey on the table. (He later told a mutual friend he should have KNOWN something was up because I don't buy liquor and I cooked without his asking.) I looked at my beloved and chit chatted for a while and asked him who was she. He looked at me like I had asked him to have a vasectomy. I repeated my question and he then knew I was serious. I wasn't the jealous type. At all. He knew it and he also knew that he couldn't lie to me. I can ever remember a time during all of the years we were together that he lied to me.

But he had cheated me and in a moment I felt overwhelmed by hurt and deception. I went in the kitchen and pulled out my butcher knife and as I approached him-he jumped out of the window.

I didn't care. I sat at my dining room table and just cried. I cried for my grandmother and I cried because I wasn't going to get married. How could I marry someone that I couldn't trust? The kicker was that HE was the jealous one in the relationship.

I eventually moved on and dated and dated throughout my thirties. Not one committed relationship. A couple of false starts and almosts but for the most part-if they got on my nerves-I bounced.

I took this test and Rocked it!

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