January 1, 2019

God has pressed into my spirit to WRITE again. It's bee far too long and so much to discuss. I don't know how this is going to go but the ride won't be boring. Nothing with me is ever BORING. One of my BFF's whom I have known for well over 37 years made me shed my first tears of 2019. My multiple sclerosis flares have been so horrendous since Christmas Eve. For the first time since my double heart valve removal surgery I was willing to just Let Go and Let God. I was tired. When you have a chronic disease, you LEARN people. Family treat you like a stranger. Strangers treat you like family.Church folk here in the bible belt fake it and so called unsaved are more God like in love than you can imagine. I don't like a lot of company and while I will talk you to death once I actually make a call or get a call I will talk you to death. I am the suffer in silence type. My Jersey Family and Friends made me promise to be open when I moved down here. No secrets and hiding how I feel physically. For two years, I have tried but I will no longer try. As a matter of fact a lot of changes will be happening in 2019. Never telling of Crazy about how and what I have been feeling, she posted as Maxie on my Facebook today. God use her to say as Maxie what she can't tell me as HER. lol I needed it. I am blessed to have her moody, sometimey self in my life.

I always crack up whenever I hear the men can't be FRIENDS with women debate. My BEST FRIEND in the whole wide world is a dude. No, he isn't GAY-he is quite married. The woman he married and I are even closer friends (cuz my BFF refuses to discuss shoes with me) 32 year with this man and he feels like what a blood brother would feel like to me if I had one. He despises (rightfully) every male I have dated. But he holds his "Told you so's" until I get my common sense back when I leave them. Our birthdays are one week apart and we are both TAURUS. So I don't have to tell you that our conversations can get pretty LIVELY. But never once has a conversation ended without an I love you despite of you. lol As far as sex is concerned, we have NEVER gone THERE. Not even to the neighborhood or around the block. Besides the fact that we aren't each others TYPE-it has always been from moment one-Just like siblings. My Buddy is very ill right now and my heart is aching. If I could-I would wave a magic wand and sent a unicorn of healing to him. Because he is a good man. A good husband and father. It seems like people like Donald Trump-NOTHING ever befalls them. But GOOD PEOPLE, it just seems like the enemy just keep on attacking them. Unlike females, male friends aren't catty nor competitive with you. When they fall in the LOVE-they don't abandon you. If you and the woman he loves can't or just won't get along, they still make time for you.

When I was a young girl, my mother would take me to Woolworths on 125th St in Harlem to pick up school supplies every year. After picking up my Trapper Keeper, pencils and rulers we would go do one of my FAVORITE things; go to the counter and get me a cheeseburger and strawberry milkshake. As I would sit on those stools spinning around until I was dizzy (or my mother made me stop! lol) I had no CONCEPT of the ability just to sit at a Woolworth counter and order food. I felt it was my Right to be served. I was served my beloved cheeseburger and milkshake and I ate with love and appreciation of those cheeseburgers that was slightly burnt on the outside and so juicy that the juice would run down my arms. As I grew older, my parents shared the struggle they had when they were my age to even be able to SIT at a Woolworth counter. They taught me and my sister about this word SEGREGATION. In school I learned Martin Luther King was good and Malcolm X was bad. I was HORRIFIED at an assembly where the school showed The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman. The scene where the rebels killed Odetta and her infant stays vivid in my mind today. We watched Roots as a family. I cried and asked my parents the hard questions. I couldn't BELIEVE Mike Brady (Robert Reed) was using the N Word. Lorne Greene wasn't selling Alpo Dog Food but patting John Amos on the head like a dog. Vic Morrow was whipping Kunta and I damned near had a fit. I couldn't wrap my MIND around what I was seeing and reading. My school history books made slavery not so bad. They almost blamed Harriette Tubman for "freeing the slaves." It wasn't until college when I took an African Studies class that it became REAL to me. I thank my parents for raising me as a Christian First and a Black Woman second. I thank those who died so that I can be where I am and live where I live. My parents didn't teach me hate or racism. They taught me ABOUT racism, but never were racists themselves. On Election Night, I was in Pennsylvania working for the Obama campaign. When he won, I thought of my Mom. How PROUD she would have been to live to see a black President. I honestly cried for two hours off an on. My eyes were shut tight as a drum when I woke up the next day. My peers like my adopted "Mom" Rona Pienta knew it was a big moment for me, but I had a hard time explaining WHY. I felt we truly had overcame. In my own way I STILL do. Not simply because President Obama was black, but he was more that qualified to do the job. We had a conference call with then Candidate Obama and I snuck into the garage to cry(cuz I am PRIVATE like that) because the moment was overwhelming. Another worker had the same emotion and we stood together, me a black woman and he a hispanic man sharing one emotion that no one in that room could really and truly understand. I have multicultural friends and they will tell you-I have NO SHAME in putting someone in their place or give them a history lesson because I am a Proud Black Woman. I had no idea how many people remember no where I traveled in this world, I kept my straightening comb in my suitcase! lol I gave my former boss Janet Cowlan a coronary one night before a gig! lol I am 45 now. I miss those Woolworth cheeseburgers. I miss spinning on those stools. I miss my Mom. But I still carry that pure arrogance of you can't tell me where to eat, where I can go, who I can be friends with, and I now teach the young people who come into my life the lessons taught to me. It is my generations responsibility to take up that mantle and pass it forward and we are failing at doing that.

The hardest thing about walking as a Christian is resisting the urge to go punch folks square in their lying mouths. Then I go back to The Word and I am reminded they lied on Jesus. While i cannot control what they do-I CAN control how I react. My SIL Donna Kinard-Moore and I had a very deep discussion because this year I have been "thinning the herd" left and right-and standing by my decisions. The majority are two of my mother's sisters and their seeds. I am dealing with my temper. (My temper is LEGENDARY to all who have known me more than 20+ years. I promised my grandmother than I would stop knocking folks the hell out and carry myself as beautiful on the inside as I am on the outside. Anyone who knows me KNOWS that once I make a promise-I work on it INSTANTLY to keep my word. I in turn allowed people to use me as a doormat because I felt being a Christian meant allowing folks to hurt me and I just "turned the other cheek" and forgive as Christ did. But my pastor and I during one of my sessions showed me that even Jesus got angry and flipped tables. lol The anger ISN'T the Sin-the sin lies within my own actions and or reactions. I am a Taurus through and through. Wrong me and you are a WRAP. No backsies. But one day while studying The Holy Spirit was ministering to me: "What if Jesus felt that way about YOU?" What if God said, I am sorry Rave, I just can't forgive you for what you did!" There is no Top Ten permissible sins. There is no get out of hell free card because folks have witnessed my outward behaviors. In what God sees in me that will allow me to strive to be in His Will and Favor. I am learning that while my feelings and hurts are VALID-the turning of the other cheek is acknowledging my anger and hurt, but also giving them to God-and LEAVING THEM THERE. God made me without my help and there is NOTHING He can't handle for me. But the key is TRUSTING that however God handles it-keep me own nose Clean. I refuse to live this short life hating and holding onto things that aren't edifying my spirit. I refuse to say "I just don't trust NO ONE." To live under that umbrella is saying that you don't even trust yourself to assess and make wise decisions. There are no perfect people. I WILL SAY that for every person I cut off-God has been sending SO MUCH BETTER into my life. Cutting them off wasn't a loss. God couldn't send better until I cleaned up MY OWN messes. It may seem hard, but if you hold your peace and TRUST God-you will find it getting easier and easier. There is something about a woman from what I have learned from others as well as myself; that after 40-you have less anger and patience for nonsense. I no longer have "circles" be it inner or outer circles because circles are round. You just find yourself going around and round with the same garbage with no escape. I now have more of a parallelogram way of thinking and folks who are in my life. Rave #StraightTalkExpress

The almost Love?

A little wine, a little Shai in the background. Life is good. K, Imma share a lil story with yall. It's totally true-I swear on my mothers grave. My friends and family know it very well. Back in '94 I was taking a trip to North Carolina like I always did to see my grandparents. I always OVER pack for trips. I still never pack EVERYTHING I need and or want but I try anyway. I always hit my granparents up on and or around their birthdays. My grandmothers(may she R.I.P.)birthday was September 3rd. That always fell on the Labor Day weekend. My grandfather's birthday is November 23rd. So that's Thanksgiving week. (That's how I remembered their birthdays as a kid) Well I always travel the day before Thanksgiving and in '94 I was on Amtrak. I always have three bags with me. My purse, my goodie bag(food) and my activity bag. I have the attention span of a gnat, and ONCE I didn't pack an activity bag and was BORED out of my skull. In that activity bag there was(and still applies today)a brand new crossword puzzle, yarn and crocheting needles plus scissors, a book, and several cassettes. YES I SAID CASSETTES! I HAVE ALMOST FOUR THOUSAND OF EM AND I STILL LISTEN TO EM! Shai was HOT back then and I made a mixtape of all of the songs I loved by them on it. I am partial to the Right Backatcha era. My FAVORITE song was Show Me. Whoo lawd, it still is! Whenever I hear it, I have to hear it at LEAST ten times in a row. (I also obsess over I will always love you, the tune they did with Boney James-but that wasn't on this cassette). Well, I got on the train in Newark, and proceeded to eat up some road. That trip is SUPPOSED to take ten hours-I have YET to make it ten, it is always LATE arriving because after D.C. the train goes from electric to diesel. Amtrak shares the rail with Conrail and those frieght trains have the right of way. I always took the early morning train(back then it was the 7:23am, now it's 6:35am). I have this thing that I do that never works. I stay up all night. Shower, get cute and book it to the train SO I CAN SLEEP. My ass be dogged tired, yet wide awake at least to Baltimore. Then I cat nap off and on. Me, and Shai in my ears. Headphones on my ears, and sunglasses on my face tells folk LEAVE ME ALONE. I always get a bad assed kid or a medicine smelling old lady as a seat mate. I don't know why on this particular trip, I decided to say a lil prayer. I asked God for a cutie pie to sit next to me.(remember, I swore on my mothers grave this is true) Strangely, I didn't have a seatmate until D.C. The conductor warned us that the train was sold out and that we would be filling up. After the train pulled out of Baltimore, I went to the bathroom peed, washed my hands and looked at myself. I was cute with my lime green babydoll top and stretch jeans that looked tight as hell-but were loose and comfy. I rarely wear my hair down, but I did that day because my grandmother asked me to. I compromised with a banana clip for the trip. I knew I could bump the ends before I got to Fayetteville. The train pulled into Union Station and I sat in my seat. I leaned back and watched the people board on. I saw an old lady and let my breath go. I just KNEW she was coming my way. She did, and sat across from me. Because a chica is COOL I had on my sunglasses(and a fresh coat of RED lip gloss, with a spritz of Ysatis DeGivenchy) Then I saw him. Garfield was singing in my ears and I looked over my sunglasses for a quick peek. Lord, this dude was FIONEEEEEEEEEEEE. I asked God in my spirit,"What are the odds this cutie pie would sit next to me?" There were so many empty seats up front and he was carrying a cooler. He walked up to me and asked me if the seat was taken. I shook my head no. I watched him settle in. He smelled sooooooooo good. I gave up a quick shout out to God. He is my homie yanno! I even accomodated him and his cooler. Now I am six feet two. He was like six three or sixfour I guess. This is going to sound funny, but he felt just right next to me. Like he belonged. (I have dated and been in relationships, but he is the ONLY man that FELT that way to me. Usually I have to let him grow on me.) In my lusting heart, I was gratefully that I wore my good push up bra and my babydoll blouse had MAJOR cleavage. I grinned at him and he looked at me and turned away. My ego was CRUSHED. I went from sitting up straight to my regular slouch. Oh, and my infamous pout. The train pulled off and now I wished the old lady had sat next to me. At least old ladies have good snacks. He pulled out this HUGE grey cellular phone. Now the phones we use TODAY we call them cellular phones, but they are actually digital. Dude had a show nuff cell phone. He started punching numbers and I leaned over to him. That niggum gave me the Bish Whatchu want stare. Now Shai an nem are in my ears so I knew if I spoke, it would be LOUD. I slid one headphone earpiece over and whispered that he couldn't use the phone right now. He asked me why and I told him that the signal wouldn't hold. He proceeds to tell me how many gigahertz's he has and woo woo woo woo. I looked at him over the rims of my sunglasses. He pushes send and talks to whomever he dialed. Well, the train went into the tunnel just like I knew it would and WHOMP. He lost his call. He tried again but got no signal. When the train came out of the tunnel, he dialed again. I leaned again and his body language told me to hush. He asked me what? I shook my head and leaned back with my boys Shai. He got cut off again and I snickered. He twisted his mouth as if he were going to make a wise crack and I raised my finger. I told him as sweetly as I possibly could that I had six more hours on this train. We could be nice, or we could not say shit to one another for the next six hours. He had to decide not now but RIGHT NOW what was it going to be. For some reason that tickled him. We made a pact to be nice to one another til I got off of the train. He wouldn't arrive to his destination for awhileeeeeeee after I got off. We formally introduced ourselves and I informed him when it would be good to make his call. He made three calls and hung up. Then he opened his cooler and pulled out the longest Heineken I had ever seen. He offered it to me and I declined. He sat back, finished his beer and leaned back. We talked for a while-I had to put Shai on low so I could hear. He fell asleep. I turned Shai back up and began to look out of the window and fantasize about this dude. In the midst of my daydream-dude was knocked out and laying on my shoulders. I looked over in shock. I wiggled a little and he made himself more comfy on my boobies! I didn't know what to do. If I didn't like him, I would have woke his ass right up. But I liked watching him sleep. I just leaned back and let him rest. The next thing I realised-I was cradled in HIS arms. Head all up in his neck! The best way I can describe it is this way: One arm over me. My head nestled in his neck. He was reading a magazine holding it with his free hand. He must have felt me stir cuz he popped a green grape in my mouth. I ate it, with the AFTER THOUGHT of "Did he wash his hands?" This thing was surreal. I didn't KNOW him. But it FELT right. I needed two things. To pee and to smoke. I announced this to him and he smiled. He walked me to the loo and waited for me. Then he went in and I waited for him. The only place I could smoke was in the lounge car. He didn't smoke and was making comments about me smoking. I told his ass that he could go back to the seat. He chose to sit next to me. The people who were in the lounge seats they have in there asked us how long had we been together. Without missing a beat, he said four hours. We laughed and they looked at us strangely. The woman smiled but her dude said, I will never forget it as long as I live-no matter whom I finally marry-"Man, if you aren't with her, you need to drop whomever you are with cuz she is the ONE." All I could do was look ignorant and drag on my cigarette. He laughed, and I smiled. Never in my life was I so interested in a cigarette-or speechless. We left the lounge and he talked about coming to Jersey. I talked about how I am always in D.C. He confessed about having a girl. I kept my feelings to myself and my game face on. He wanted my number and I told him I would get a pen before my stop. We laughed, debated in a friendly way and all the while my heart was broken. Just before my stop, he took my suitcase down for me and looked at me. I fessed up that I can't do a guy who had a girl. He said he understood. He still wanted to exchange numbers as friends but I couldn't. I didn't want him as a FRIEND. He toted my suitcase off of the train and hugged me and got back on. I looked at that train til it pulled off. My cousin asked me what was wrong and I told her. To this day when I bitch about the single life she mentions Dude. I won't mention his name or where his destination was-just in case fate is kind(though I HIGHLY doubt it)and we happen to run into one another again. Yall net fools won't FOOL ME like you are him. lol Nineteen years later, I have rode the rails-and I say my little mojo but it has NEVER happend again. Not with him, not with another cutie pie. For a couple of years my heart would quicken when I went to D.C. I was half wanting to run into him, half not. Now I don't think about it. I have dated and had fun and heartbreaks but THAT EXPERIENCE is mine. I am kind of glad that we never hooked up. Keeps a pleasant fantasy in my mind sometimes. __________________

Survivor: Bum Puzzled

Ask ANYONE what television show you had better NOT call me during? They will say Survivor. From the old days when it would come on Thursdays at 8pm est on CBS to it's Wednesdays at 8pm est now.

I have been complaining on Twitter for at LEAST the last three seasons how much I despise Redemption Island and how the game has gone Soft. Folks given food and supplies and just one challenge/immunity combo. The Russel Hantz leading folks who didn't deserve to win but won because the jury couldn't stand Russell. The Phillip Hot Pink Manties with the serious sag in the butt area.

As a black woman, anything that has black people on it-I check out the type of black people (ie: are they Omarosa Embarrassing or Vecepia representing Proudly types) and Survivor has only disappointed me in that area but that's another post.

I discovered my Get Glue Fam a couple of seasons ago and it's even more fun to whine and complain about folks who have claimed to "watch" Survivor yet play like jackasses.

When I heard about this season going back almost to basics (Redemption Island is gone-HALLELUJAH!!!) but the twists and surprises ie: Find an idol-it doesn't help you because you have to give to a member of the OTHER tribe. Love it.

I saw Colton and said the macho men were going to EAT his flaming ass up. I saw Leif and HOPED he wouldn't be targeted because he was a little person. (Survivor has NEVER been empathetic about "different" people. Ever. Remember the player with the one leg?)

When Sabrina gave him the idol, I breathed a sigh of relief because at LEAST he would have a chance. Then Colton revealed who he REALLY WAS. I began to look for someone else to root for.

Then Bum Puzzled came on last night. I watched with glee that Alicia who keeps an perpetual chip on her shoulder was FINALLY going to (maybe)get voted off. She cost the women the immunity challenge. Then the camera flips to Colton just spewing his hatred of Bill to Bill. He referred to Leif as an Oompa Loompa because Leif -bless his little heart-revealed to Bill that he was next. Now there is a target on Leif. But Colton rallied his tribe under the guise of getting rid of Leif. Going as far as to "suggest" that they give their immunity idol to the women so that they could go into tribal council and vote Leif's betraying ass off. After all, they were about integrity, right?

I have NEVER blogged or had the urge to blog about Survivor. It's a television show. I watch, cheer or get ticked off and keep it moving.

Last night left a nasty taste in my mouth that I cannot seem to shake.

Forget the fact that the rest of the men were too STUPID to have pulled the ULTIMATE BLINDSIDE on Colton. That isn't what pissed me off.

I often discuss on my radio show about racism in the gay community. I can't find courageous gay and or lesbian women who are willing to call to the carpet GLAAD or any of the powerful LGT community about hate within a persecuted people.

GLAAD won't respond because I am not a lesbian, transgendered, transexual or gay. They feel I just have a little opinion about a major dirty secret they don't want REVEALED. They don't other gay and lesbian and transgendered, bi-sexual people to note how when it comes to hate crimes, just like in mainstream media-there is a BLACKOUT. Just like in the entertainment field if the black isn't Twanning out (Gay Samboing)then they aren't worth NOTE.

The heterosexual community seem to me are more outraged at Coltons racist vitriolic comments that he made to a Little Person and a Black Man than the gay community. When asked if he had any black friends, Colton pulled a statement that I NEVER thought I would hear out of ANYONES mouth in MY LIFETIME: "Yeah, my housekeeper."

Now, had Bill spewed anti-homosexual comments towards Colton-the roar of injustice would flow from the gay community. There would be calls for boycotting Survivor and the whole enchilada.

Bill would have had to go to anti gay slur rehab and an apology tour. (See Tracy Morgan, Isaiah Washington)and it STILL would not have been ENOUGH to satisfy them.

Mark Burnett and Jeff Probst is laughing all of the way to new and improved contracts and perks of the Survivor franchise. I WILL say that I know that Jeff did not approve nor agree with what Colton said. I don't hold him accountable because he is a stand up kind of guy. Cocky, but a stand up guy nevertheless.

Like the Tea Party being MUTE over Rush Limbaugh's defamatory ugly comments to Ms Fluke-the gay community has been MUTE over Coltons comments.

I would like to know why.

I would also like to know WHY that gay community isn't calling Colton to the carpet.

My Ashamed and Shy Supporters

If you listened to my radio show, You would THINK that NO ONE listens to my show. No matter how many times I give out the call in number-NOTHING. Right?

Well, my actual numbers belie this fact. My actual numbers are HIGH.

On my Facebook fan page, I am holding at 124 "likes" but because my link is also accessible the actual hits are in the tens of thousands. Seriously. Twice a week, I have dedicated to answering hundred of emails individually. Literally. 931 followers on Twitter and I actively communicate with about 20.

Lately, I have been contemplating OUTTING them. Asking them WHY the covert support? It makes absolutely NO SENSE to me. Why are you so SHY about saying, "Yes, I support Raven? "


I get complaints now because I cut my show to a half hour (after threatening for a full year to do so) from two hours-in my emails. I am told that my shows are TOO SHORT now. I have contemplated going to an hour but I REFUSE to do so until I have more audience participation.

But my audience is SHY. No matter what I post on the fan page-only five will actually respond. Of my 931 followers on Twitter only 7 will ever retweet my posts on a consistent basis.

This is nothing new. On messageboards, folks are proud to contact me in a private message-but are public mutes. On my own messageboard where I have cut the membership down to ten-three folks will post once ever four to five months. Even after making my personal board PRIVATE-they still won't post.

Looking at these stats this week has me asking-why the covert support and not the PUBLIC support? What it does is make me observe more closely those whose lying fingers praise-but they don't want to let the world know they agree with my show.

So far, my show from this past Sunday has the THIRD highest ratings of this quarter-yet you wouldn't know that by the responses.

Of all of the people who read this post-at the MOST 3 MAY respond publicly.

Pondering...

Living in Light

Being a Taurus, it is quite easy for me to hold a grudge. For a LONG TIME. Seriously. My grandmother used to say that I was “tenderhearted”(feelings easily bruised).

I have always felt that because I gave 100% to my friendships, relationships, work and associations-that I should get 100% right back.

Well life isn’t like that. It is hard for me to accept that as a fact, but through honest and true prayer and meditation-that battle I truly gave to God. Period.

I mentioned on my radio show a few weeks ago about the friend of mine who told me to “leave her in her misery.” I was FLOORED but when I took ME out of the equation-she was absolutely correct. She had EVERY RIGHT to stew and marinate in her misery.

But I had rights as well. I choose to live in the Light. In the positive even when I have shed bitter tears of confusion as to The why? Why? Because life is such a gift and who am I to spit on God’s gift to me? It’s like giving someone a Silver Shadow Rolls Royce and they key it up.

I have found that when some of you all are going through your WAHHHHHH WAHHHHHH WAHHHHHHHH phase, I will reach out and if you snap at me-I will leave your tookus right in the mire. Because that is where you WANT to be and who am I to try to save you. lol

Why you may ask? Because in my short time on God’s Earth, I have learned that misery is your comfort zone.

Oh, you may SAY that you desire to be happy. You have every Iyanla Vanzant, Steve Harvey Walk like a duck books, Dr. Phil and Oprah’s self help manuals and every available tool out there-yet you still cry bitter tears in your pillow.

The cure isn’t in a tape, or a book. The cure resides inside of you.

Misery is a learned behavior. When you were born you weren’t born in misery. You may have had miserable experiences or as you aged things happened to have you in misery-but you have the decision to be there.

I have been DEVESTATED by family members, friends, associates and shoo people I never really had anything to do with. But the one thing I had to learn in this life is this: Stop giving people permission to get and STAY on your nerves.

Even God Himself does not override our free will therefore who are YOU to think you can override someone else’s? No matter how much you care or “love” that person free will is always in the mix.

If I could make folk “BEHAVE” I would be a kazillionairess. Wars would be erradicated, everyone would have full bellies and love would be abound. I can no more override someones free will as I will ever be a size two again.

I have learned to acknowledge my hurt. Snot, yell, cry some more maybe even kick my feet. When I blow my nose and wash my face, you and whatever the issue goes right down that drain. Then I am DONE.

My family members and friends are over here on this page. Ask them. I can be in a room with a so called enemy and don’t even SEE them even if they are sitting next to me. Not with an attitude-they just don’t EXIST to me.

I used to fight. I could punch you out better than some dudes. I am older now. They don’t allow smoking in jail. I like my cigarettes.

Life became so much better when I learned to drop grudges. When you hurt me, you have already messed up. You won’t get another chance. So why should I hold onto my anger breaking my own spirit down while you have gone on? Oh, you DO Know that the person/people DO MOVE ON? No sleepless nights. No heavy hearts. No misery at hurting YOU.

Then there are the ” I just GOT TO LET EM KNOW” disease. Le sighhhh. These people get on my LAST NERVES. You tell them to move on and they are so focused on LETTING their enemy KNOW-that you could squat and play in your butt and get a better response. They don’t hear you-because they are letting folks Know.

Yep, letting their enemy KNOW that they can manipulate their emotions ANYTIME THEY FEEL LIKE.

I leave these types of folk alone as well. I don’t have bail money for you letting someone KNOW.

Walk in the light people. Let the dead weight GO. Make a firm decision to Live and enjoy this gift we call Life.

Do you know that over 95% of the things that so call irk you, or piss you off are really insignificant? At the time, they seem soooooooooo HUGE and when you look back on it-you ask yourself, “Why did I even allow that to piss me off?”

Think about it. Then go find your Light.

My Annual little Vent

As I surf the internet, I find things that educate me, amuse me, make me give the SERIOUS SIDE to, and then there are the things that just ticks me off.

Number One on my list-The Religious Folk.

Religious Folk annoy me. They go on gossip boards, post their groupie excursions and then try to PREACH thus saith the Lord. They try to convince me and other folks that they HAVE to get married because they are pregnant because that is what God requires. They condemn abortion-yet will willingly sleep with another woman's husband.

Now call me crazy, but I thought pre-marital sex and adultery are on God's top ten list of what you shouldn't do.


Organized religion is to me just a way that folks who DO SIN tell others that they can't.

I myself try to live a righteous Godly life, but I don't lie to God (because He knows the TRUTH ANYWAY) nor to myself because that isn't how one grows in their walk to get closer to HIM.

Secondly, STANS should be locked up in psychiatric facilities.
You don't KNOW this person, yet you know the color of their poo and how they live their daily lives. The worse of these STANS are the Michael Jackson STANS. Not FANS but psychotic individuals who has NEVER even had Michael say Boo Boo Kitty to them. They know who he screwed, what he did and didn't do on a daily basis. Funny, during his two trials where were these folks TESTIFYING on Michael s behalf at his trial on the stand? Where were they when he needed intervention?

I admired the man greatly and deeply, but there is a difference in loving and admiring someone vs acting like a damned psycho.


Thirdly, The Glorifying of Mistresses and Groupies.
These women can't tell me NADA. I don't care how many Wives of...shows that are put on the air, am I the only person who realizes that 99 % of these women AREN'T WIVES?

Real Housewives of Atlanta is Bravo's HIGHEST rated show, yet it's the only single solitary Housewives franchise that isn't entirely black I mean they havea token white woman-who ironically is the breakout star? These women live in deluded worlds of money and loneliness. Where are the Husbands?

Shaunie Oneal sits like the big pimpstress over Basketball wives-but how come she isn't educating future WIVES based on her her own learning lessons? Because she knows Drama sells and she is cashing in all of the way to the bank.

There is nothing glamorous about being a mistress or a groupie. A whore is a whore no matter how you try to dress it up.

The real reality show should show the bitter truth about being just a sperm receptacle.

My Daddy

I have the BEST Father ever. When God gave out Daddies, he knew I would need one like the one HE gave me. Though we fuss, and sometimes life doesn't mean that we understand each others walks-I have always known in my heart my earthly Protector has my back.

Who else could CRUSH the dudes I brought by the house hands to see if they were "weak" in character and or spirit? Who else could be the literal fear of God in potential mates if they hurt his six foot two BABY? lol

God showed me what a REAL MAN is all about in being raised by you. A real man went to work EVERYDAY and never allowed his daughters to know a hungry day nor a homeless day. A Real Man worked from midnight to eight and met his "Oldest Sixx" at the train station if only to see her get on the train to school safely.

A Real Man who brought his daughters pizza and junk food when Mother was away and the day before made the proper meals we should have been eating all along.

I now fully understand why you were emphatic about us not dating before sixteen and encouraging not only myself but my sister as well in being INDEPENDENT Ladies-even when I at least I insisted on being a Rock N Roller rebel-complete with Blue or Green or Pank Hurr.

I can remember chilling sitting on your lap vibing with Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Sly and The Family Stone or even Crosby, Stills, and Nash. I can also remember bonding over Prince and me introducing you to AC/DC and convincing you they weren't devil worshipers. lol

Though I have a ton of Mommy's qualities-I also have yours. The sense of not living a lie no matter what. The sense of deep commitment to those who are close to you and learning when to cut a mofo off when they need to be. To be hard working and ethical no matter WHAT THE MAN says I should do in order to advance.

You don't think I still do it, but every birthday-I assess my life and my mistakes and make that list of what I need to do to improve myself not only for prosperity in my bank accounts-but my spiritual bank account.

I observed you care for your wife, my mother. How you would do HARD LABORIOUS work and rush home if only to clean her mouth with the glycerin swabs and make sure she was comfortable as you watched woman you married 35 years prior die daily before you. You were faithful and it pained you-but you never abandoned her in her time of need.

When I said I wanted to sing-you made me practice. When I picked up various instruments, you paid for them and made me practice. When I couldn't do my math, you found an ancient book of math to confuse me and keep me in tears. But I passed my math and the running joke is that I became an Accountant despite myself. When I had to performed you got out of you much needed sleep to attend.

So many of my peers have HORROR stories about their dads or no story at all.

One of my lasting memories is when I graduated and Mommy was in the hospital in ICU. This spanish chick hit my sister and I of course went to fight her three days before graduation. I lost the fight because someone tripped me as I was wailing on that behind. I came home MAD and you looked at me and laughed because I was concerned whether or not I had a scratch on my face or if it was as swollen as I thought it was. lol

You convinced me I wasn't marked and on graduation day when I was nervous about being the tallest girl-when I walked that aisle the paparazzi-I mean you were right there snapping my pictures. In between you blinding me, I saw Grandma YoYo right there grinning and cheering for me.

When we went to visit Mommy in the ICU-you keeping taking my doggone pictures. lol But I always kept that memory in my heart.

My second memory that stands above all was the day I came to your job with two dozen pink roses. You came and received those roses proudly. Your co-workers were worried about who was this woman bringing flowers to El Gato. lol

My third top memory was at Mother's funeral and the re-pass. Not ONE SOUL could say you cheated on her during the marriage, nor mistreated her. Through my tears, and bitter pain my chest did puff out with pride listening to folks praise you.

Yes, there are a gazillion memories I could mention-but those are my top three. There isn't an aunt, or cousin who can dispute these facts.

Though we butt heads-God KNOWS we butt heads a lot-I wouldn't trade you for ANYTHING. You and my Sister are my WORLD-everything else and anyone else is added dressing. It is just the three of us now and if God took me away today or tomorrow-I have been better than blessed to have you in my life.