The almost Love?

A little wine, a little Shai in the background. Life is good. K, Imma share a lil story with yall. It's totally true-I swear on my mothers grave. My friends and family know it very well. Back in '94 I was taking a trip to North Carolina like I always did to see my grandparents. I always OVER pack for trips. I still never pack EVERYTHING I need and or want but I try anyway. I always hit my granparents up on and or around their birthdays. My grandmothers(may she R.I.P.)birthday was September 3rd. That always fell on the Labor Day weekend. My grandfather's birthday is November 23rd. So that's Thanksgiving week. (That's how I remembered their birthdays as a kid) Well I always travel the day before Thanksgiving and in '94 I was on Amtrak. I always have three bags with me. My purse, my goodie bag(food) and my activity bag. I have the attention span of a gnat, and ONCE I didn't pack an activity bag and was BORED out of my skull. In that activity bag there was(and still applies today)a brand new crossword puzzle, yarn and crocheting needles plus scissors, a book, and several cassettes. YES I SAID CASSETTES! I HAVE ALMOST FOUR THOUSAND OF EM AND I STILL LISTEN TO EM! Shai was HOT back then and I made a mixtape of all of the songs I loved by them on it. I am partial to the Right Backatcha era. My FAVORITE song was Show Me. Whoo lawd, it still is! Whenever I hear it, I have to hear it at LEAST ten times in a row. (I also obsess over I will always love you, the tune they did with Boney James-but that wasn't on this cassette). Well, I got on the train in Newark, and proceeded to eat up some road. That trip is SUPPOSED to take ten hours-I have YET to make it ten, it is always LATE arriving because after D.C. the train goes from electric to diesel. Amtrak shares the rail with Conrail and those frieght trains have the right of way. I always took the early morning train(back then it was the 7:23am, now it's 6:35am). I have this thing that I do that never works. I stay up all night. Shower, get cute and book it to the train SO I CAN SLEEP. My ass be dogged tired, yet wide awake at least to Baltimore. Then I cat nap off and on. Me, and Shai in my ears. Headphones on my ears, and sunglasses on my face tells folk LEAVE ME ALONE. I always get a bad assed kid or a medicine smelling old lady as a seat mate. I don't know why on this particular trip, I decided to say a lil prayer. I asked God for a cutie pie to sit next to me.(remember, I swore on my mothers grave this is true) Strangely, I didn't have a seatmate until D.C. The conductor warned us that the train was sold out and that we would be filling up. After the train pulled out of Baltimore, I went to the bathroom peed, washed my hands and looked at myself. I was cute with my lime green babydoll top and stretch jeans that looked tight as hell-but were loose and comfy. I rarely wear my hair down, but I did that day because my grandmother asked me to. I compromised with a banana clip for the trip. I knew I could bump the ends before I got to Fayetteville. The train pulled into Union Station and I sat in my seat. I leaned back and watched the people board on. I saw an old lady and let my breath go. I just KNEW she was coming my way. She did, and sat across from me. Because a chica is COOL I had on my sunglasses(and a fresh coat of RED lip gloss, with a spritz of Ysatis DeGivenchy) Then I saw him. Garfield was singing in my ears and I looked over my sunglasses for a quick peek. Lord, this dude was FIONEEEEEEEEEEEE. I asked God in my spirit,"What are the odds this cutie pie would sit next to me?" There were so many empty seats up front and he was carrying a cooler. He walked up to me and asked me if the seat was taken. I shook my head no. I watched him settle in. He smelled sooooooooo good. I gave up a quick shout out to God. He is my homie yanno! I even accomodated him and his cooler. Now I am six feet two. He was like six three or sixfour I guess. This is going to sound funny, but he felt just right next to me. Like he belonged. (I have dated and been in relationships, but he is the ONLY man that FELT that way to me. Usually I have to let him grow on me.) In my lusting heart, I was gratefully that I wore my good push up bra and my babydoll blouse had MAJOR cleavage. I grinned at him and he looked at me and turned away. My ego was CRUSHED. I went from sitting up straight to my regular slouch. Oh, and my infamous pout. The train pulled off and now I wished the old lady had sat next to me. At least old ladies have good snacks. He pulled out this HUGE grey cellular phone. Now the phones we use TODAY we call them cellular phones, but they are actually digital. Dude had a show nuff cell phone. He started punching numbers and I leaned over to him. That niggum gave me the Bish Whatchu want stare. Now Shai an nem are in my ears so I knew if I spoke, it would be LOUD. I slid one headphone earpiece over and whispered that he couldn't use the phone right now. He asked me why and I told him that the signal wouldn't hold. He proceeds to tell me how many gigahertz's he has and woo woo woo woo. I looked at him over the rims of my sunglasses. He pushes send and talks to whomever he dialed. Well, the train went into the tunnel just like I knew it would and WHOMP. He lost his call. He tried again but got no signal. When the train came out of the tunnel, he dialed again. I leaned again and his body language told me to hush. He asked me what? I shook my head and leaned back with my boys Shai. He got cut off again and I snickered. He twisted his mouth as if he were going to make a wise crack and I raised my finger. I told him as sweetly as I possibly could that I had six more hours on this train. We could be nice, or we could not say shit to one another for the next six hours. He had to decide not now but RIGHT NOW what was it going to be. For some reason that tickled him. We made a pact to be nice to one another til I got off of the train. He wouldn't arrive to his destination for awhileeeeeeee after I got off. We formally introduced ourselves and I informed him when it would be good to make his call. He made three calls and hung up. Then he opened his cooler and pulled out the longest Heineken I had ever seen. He offered it to me and I declined. He sat back, finished his beer and leaned back. We talked for a while-I had to put Shai on low so I could hear. He fell asleep. I turned Shai back up and began to look out of the window and fantasize about this dude. In the midst of my daydream-dude was knocked out and laying on my shoulders. I looked over in shock. I wiggled a little and he made himself more comfy on my boobies! I didn't know what to do. If I didn't like him, I would have woke his ass right up. But I liked watching him sleep. I just leaned back and let him rest. The next thing I realised-I was cradled in HIS arms. Head all up in his neck! The best way I can describe it is this way: One arm over me. My head nestled in his neck. He was reading a magazine holding it with his free hand. He must have felt me stir cuz he popped a green grape in my mouth. I ate it, with the AFTER THOUGHT of "Did he wash his hands?" This thing was surreal. I didn't KNOW him. But it FELT right. I needed two things. To pee and to smoke. I announced this to him and he smiled. He walked me to the loo and waited for me. Then he went in and I waited for him. The only place I could smoke was in the lounge car. He didn't smoke and was making comments about me smoking. I told his ass that he could go back to the seat. He chose to sit next to me. The people who were in the lounge seats they have in there asked us how long had we been together. Without missing a beat, he said four hours. We laughed and they looked at us strangely. The woman smiled but her dude said, I will never forget it as long as I live-no matter whom I finally marry-"Man, if you aren't with her, you need to drop whomever you are with cuz she is the ONE." All I could do was look ignorant and drag on my cigarette. He laughed, and I smiled. Never in my life was I so interested in a cigarette-or speechless. We left the lounge and he talked about coming to Jersey. I talked about how I am always in D.C. He confessed about having a girl. I kept my feelings to myself and my game face on. He wanted my number and I told him I would get a pen before my stop. We laughed, debated in a friendly way and all the while my heart was broken. Just before my stop, he took my suitcase down for me and looked at me. I fessed up that I can't do a guy who had a girl. He said he understood. He still wanted to exchange numbers as friends but I couldn't. I didn't want him as a FRIEND. He toted my suitcase off of the train and hugged me and got back on. I looked at that train til it pulled off. My cousin asked me what was wrong and I told her. To this day when I bitch about the single life she mentions Dude. I won't mention his name or where his destination was-just in case fate is kind(though I HIGHLY doubt it)and we happen to run into one another again. Yall net fools won't FOOL ME like you are him. lol Nineteen years later, I have rode the rails-and I say my little mojo but it has NEVER happend again. Not with him, not with another cutie pie. For a couple of years my heart would quicken when I went to D.C. I was half wanting to run into him, half not. Now I don't think about it. I have dated and had fun and heartbreaks but THAT EXPERIENCE is mine. I am kind of glad that we never hooked up. Keeps a pleasant fantasy in my mind sometimes. __________________