Turning Forty and Feeling Old Maidish-Finally!!

On Friday May 2nd, I turned forty years old! Yayyyyyyyyyyy-I think. I am honestly feeling like an old maid.

Back in college, all I could think about was taking over the world and making my mark.

I was very careful about dating and I had it all planned that I would definitely be married by the age of 30 and every three years (at LEAST TWICE)after that, punch out a couple of kids. Of course I had their names all set out.

I retired my rock n roll lifestyle and joined corporate america. I succeeded as an accountant and lived comfortably.

In the period between twenty two and twenty nine I dated a pathological liar- starved myself to please him (which was all for moot and he wasn't happy) , an assistant d.a. -he was a pervert, and a dude whose occupation may or may not have been legal(I know parts of it WAS LEGAL, but I really never delved into it too much). It was HE whom I actually fell in love with. We were "the perfect couple" and I was close to my goal! Yessssssssssss! (Ok, so what I was thirty, but I was getting there) The year 2000 was coming fast and I wanted a millennium wedding. All was well until the blueblackbastardfromthepitofhell cheated on me in December.

I was insulted because my grandmother had passed the month before and while I was out of state to bury her-he was sleeping with another chick. I am no chickenhead-I dumped his ass STAT!

I made his favorite dinner and had a huge bottle of Hennessey on the table. (He later told a mutual friend he should have KNOWN something was up because I don't buy liquor and I cooked without his asking.) I looked at my beloved and chit chatted for a while and asked him who was she. He looked at me like I had asked him to have a vasectomy. I repeated my question and he then knew I was serious. I wasn't the jealous type. At all. He knew it and he also knew that he couldn't lie to me. I can ever remember a time during all of the years we were together that he lied to me.

But he had cheated me and in a moment I felt overwhelmed by hurt and deception. I went in the kitchen and pulled out my butcher knife and as I approached him-he jumped out of the window.

I didn't care. I sat at my dining room table and just cried. I cried for my grandmother and I cried because I wasn't going to get married. How could I marry someone that I couldn't trust? The kicker was that HE was the jealous one in the relationship.

I eventually moved on and dated and dated throughout my thirties. Not one committed relationship. A couple of false starts and almosts but for the most part-if they got on my nerves-I bounced.