Thank You

I celebrated my year on the air like I celebrate many things in my life-quietly. This Sunday I casually mentioned that my show has been on the air a year and that it has been a labor of love and frustration. Ha!

Well, since Sundays show with the legendary Melba Moore-I have been bombarded by friends and my sister about how I don't really promote the show. How I allowed an entire to come and not say anything nor do any type of hoopla thing for it.

I am just not one to toot my horn. I can sing my butt off-yet I have no desire to sing professionally. I clown around so much that folk THINK I can't sing, but I attended P.A. schools my entire life.

I assistant has been trying to get me to write my bio and those who know me want me to write a book. The bio I will eventually finish-but the book-mehhhh. lol

You see, I am the type of person when I see something that needs to be done, or done the right way-I just jump in.

My former co-host and I had LEGENDARY fights about me promoting and advertising folks on my site for FREE.

As economically challenged as I am-I still won't charge. Because I feel it is my place to help not just benefit monetarily. I feel the money will come eventually.

Don't get me WRONG nor TWISTED, I am not naive nor stupid. I am a woman with a vision and I am walking this journey by good judgment and faith.

No one will ever take advantage of me. As easy as one goes up-the delete button is a beautiful thing! lol

I am just crazy to follow the vision that had been given to me. In my journey, I have been asked to compromise my standards and my position and I have found the strength to refuse.

In my journey I have had what I love to refer to as REHEARSALS. The trial and error parts of life. The disappointments and the sheer glee when things have gone right.

One of the things I have learned in particular when working with my fellow black race-I have learned that we are distrustful towards one another. If your last name isn't Shapiro or Horowitz, you can't be legit.

I have had folks raised an approving eye when I say RADIO SHOW, then when is informed that it is on the internet-I have seen the disapproving eye. lol

If I were on FM radio here, I am only aired in the tri-state area. I am reaching FAITHFUL listeners in Germany, the UK, and New Zealand. In other words-THE WORLD.

I don't do gossip but I will blast a fool when the occasion requires me to. I am not beholden to sponsors who tell me what to say or how to do my show.

I want to the type of show that I would want to listen to.

I know and understand the responsibility I have to my listeners. To always be honest and as open as I choose to be.

So, I thank God for my year in radio. I humbly thank my fans and my friends who support me. I thank God for growth and maturity.

I also thank YOU my blog readers.

Computer Love-realistic or set up for Heartbreak

There isn't a day when someone comes up and tells me about this WONDERFUL person they have "met". When the conversation continues, you find out that this wonderful person lives 2500 miles away or is in another country altogether.

Is the internet the NEW Social form of dating? Why is that?

Whenever someone tells me about the wonderful person they have met, I always ask-why go online to meet a fool when your state is full of them? lol

I am paranoid about meeting people offline. It doesn't matter if they are female or male. I am talking about simple friendship. Not even a relationship.

I have been online since the nineties and when I first came online, I noticed there was a different TYPE of person online. They were the same online as they were offline and the net wasn't being used as a dating tool.

Yes, people met and fell in love and married, but that wasn't the focus. It seems that's all people use it for now.

I have YET to see a successful internet founded love. It seems folks have met, "loved" and found out that the wonderful person isn't so "wonderful."

I have a theory about this.

It is easier for folks to pretend to be "wonderful" when the other is so far away. They know (or hope-lol) that you aren't going to just show up to see that mansion is just an apartment or that Mercedes is a Datsun.

When they send pictures, the pictures aren't recent, and the lies just continue and the "wonderful person" is just another liar in that persons life.

Back in the day before unlimited long distance, I actually know of people who had phone bills that were as high as house notes. Just to find love.

Share your internet love stories or what you have learned since you have been online.

This thing called LIFE

With the rash of legends passing recently, I have been a little more reflective lately. It brings my own mortality home to myself. How we spend so much time in this thing we call life-Wasting it.

I have always tried to live my life as Jesus as taught me how to. In love and compassion. It isn't always easy to live in that walk especially when it seems like everyone around you aren't.

I hear and read a lot of folks professing their love for God but in the same breath exhibit behaviors that are very contrary to God's teachings.

I have seen people kill in the name of God, lie in the name of God, lie on God and justify their nonsense in the name of God.

I remember a few years ago, I had this dream. In the dream God was showing how people treat him like HE is the The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus.

A lie we have been taught from generation to generation.

Then there are those who think God is David Copperfield or David Blaine. One way of His magic wand and our nonsense is waived away.

We want to believe that we can do our mess and blink-whoomp-all gone and no repercussions. We want our spiritual leaders to walk on air and live perfect lives even though inside we know our own imperfections are ever before us.

We put our faith in the fallible. We put expectations on people who like ourselves are imperfect and put them on pedestals that are so high that when they fall-we are sorely disappointed.

Then we blame God. It's HIS fault because He didn't wave His magic wand for us.

We blame God when good people die. We blame God when He didn't "change" a bad person who caused us pain.

We question the validity of God when a child dies or a person is starving or homeless.

What we don't do is take ownership of our OWN actions. How many of you have taken the time to volunteer at a homeless shelter or a youth shelter? How about visiting a hospital and sit with a cancer patient? In secret without the bells and whistles and accolades.

We put so much on God when He gave US the tools to use with one another.

Instead of making the ones we love our "Substitute Gods" we should truly learn to work together through our flaws and above our egos. We should stop coveting things that we can't take with us or how people perceive us.

If you learn to appreciate this thing God gave us called LIFE and realize the gift that it really is-we will enjoy living it more!

Nothing in this world is truly FREE

I hate sounding like a conspirator, but all of these free food give aways from places that normal don't give anything but thicker hips and heartburn troubles my spirit.

I know we are in a recession, but feeding someone for a day isn't cutting it. The idea of these places luring folks in for not so free or fully stocked freebies when they won't even give those folks a JOB is just WRONG.

I have had family work in fast food restaurants and the amount of food they actually THROW AWAY is disgusting. If an employee takes that food they are fired on the spot. It must go into the garbage can.

This is my number one reason why I don't support ANY Krogers. They fired an elderly bag man for eating a doughnut that was on it's way to the garbage. A 39 cent stale doughnut cost him his job.

I would rather see KFC or Popeyes link up with Oprah to have job fairs for the youth, and delivering the surplus unsold food to the homeless or battered womens shelters than coming up with these ill prepared campaign gimmicks.

Dear Mother

I want you to know that I am finally accepting that you and God made a decision to go to Him. The Christian in me knows that He doesn't make mistakes but the human side of me was and just a little bit still mad and selfish that you left me.

I can remember all of my activities and how you would sacrifice so I could play in the school band or hunting a red skirt and white blouse in the dead of winter so I could perform. I didn't know until years later that you used money that you had set aside for yourself to buy clothes just for me and my sister. How I needed to make a chocolate mousse for French class and we got up and made it together. How we went leaf hunting and you ironing the leaves perfectly straight between wax paper. Half of my A's you were responsible and the other half I credit Daddy.

I thank you for allowing my phases: blue hair, black and blonde hair, plastering heavy metal artists all over my wall and forgiving me for trying to get a tattoo in the kitchen.

I miss your wake up calls to make sure I am up to go to work. I miss you calling me all times a night to tell me the order numbers on QVC and Hsn. I miss painting with you. I miss you waking me up before God and nem just to talk and make nana puddin-and you knew how much I DESPISED nana pudding. There I would be stirring that dang custard with sleep in my eyes and you sitting at the kitchen table saying, "Don't forget to stir the custard."

I play monopoly online now. Everytime I see the iron token, I get mad cuz you always beat me with that iron. You were the only one who could beat me in Monopoly, Scrabble and our favorite-YATZEE!

I remember when I had my reconstructive surgery, waking up and choking and you lifted my head. You even made me smile because the first surgery had me one door from pediatrics and because of low beds I was now actually in the pediatric unit. lol I remember before the nurse made you leave, you putting my lil white bear in my arms for me because I couldn't lift my arms. I made the nurses put it back exactly like you had it when they would come in.


We still have the New Years Day videos where you and I would have just a pinch too much champagne and we both would start crying and atoning for the previous years fussing. lol Five minutes later, we would be off to the races with brand new fussing. lol

Welp, another Mother's Day is coming up. It is strange not having a nervous breakdown to find THE PERFECT GIFT for the woman who had EVERYTHING ALREADY. Funny how you would torture me even further by NOT giving Qvc and Hsn item numbers as hints around that time. So I would have pour over the stores sweating and panting and mean mugging folks who dared to touch a Possible gift item I was reaching for.

I don't know why I stressed so much because whether it was a raggedy ashtray I made wif my own wittle hands or some gift I purchased, I always got your glow and love with anything I gave you.

How ironic, that you died on the very holiday you loved soooooooooo much. New Years Day hasn't been the same.

I used to cry bitter tears, but now I just feel a little sad, but the hurt is dulling to a tolerable pain now.

In closing,I thank God for giving me you for a Mom.

Living in Misery/ Negative Soul Suckers

One of my nearest and dearest friends taught me about living in misery. She doesn't WANT nor WILL live in the positive moments of life. I acknowledge that her "issues" are deeper than what my limited mind can deal or handle but I stand by her. Why, I just believe that one day she will snap out of it.

One thing I CAN say about her is that she DOES HAVE GOOD DAYS.

I am on the net and I cannot believe the amount of negativity that flows from folks fingertips on a DAILY BASIS. No matter where I am surfing, I see folks just COMPLAINING and whining about the same ole same ole. Once you get to know their fonts-you begin to see that they are living on pity and misery that they don't want to get out of. Why? Because, then no one will pity them.

Sunrises, and sunsets are WONDERFUL. Just taking a taken for granted breath is a blessing. Yes, life throws darts and some seem very difficult to dart away from. But if you just concentrate on the simple things like; dressing yourself, and going to the bathroom on your own accord, having a job to go to, and a roof over your head-makes life all worth it.

It reminds me of the old saying about the woman who complained because she had no new shoes but then saw a woman who had no feet to use.

Start counting your blessings people!

I have been trying over and over since the November 4. 2008 to really EXPRESS my awe and reverence to how I have been feeling over the past two years. How to put into words that evening and todays swearing in.

I have deleted EVERYTHING I have written because-it just doesn't capture those moments nor my deepest emotions.

As smart as I am, as lucky as folks tell me how I am-nothing seems to be HUMBLE enough.

I can truly see my mother grinning over the IDEA of an Obama. She and I are so much alike. Jessie Jackson, though I appreciate and will NEVER be what Obama has presented himself as: A man of the people WITH accountability and solutions no matter what.

YES, we DID!!!!

There are soooooooo many private trials and tribulations I can write about the last eight years. 9/11, the passing of my beloved mother, the struggles of establishing my business, my weight gain and a HOST of other most private things.

But anyone who knows me knows that I am not one to wallow in self pity or regrets or failure. When all have given up on me or sat on the sidelines waiting for me to kill myself, go completely nutz or just plain ole give in-they forgot-I am a Taurus Woman. Stubborn to the core. Failure is NEVER an option and I am far too young to lay down and die.

What I WILL write about is blind faith. That kind of faith that when even the closest to you want to tell you to just give up and settle you remember whom you really serve! I am far from a religious person. Many folks have been hurt by "religion" but FAITH will carry you when you don't even see how.

From the womb I have had to fight. Fight to live. To be. My mother had really bad toxemia with me and my birth had to be stalled for an extra month. So I am a ten month baby. She used to joke that during her final labor she was like Bob Barker; "Pleaseeeeeee come on down"-yet I would scoot back up inside of her when the doctors touched me. I was breeched and the doctor turned me and yet, I would not make my appearance into this world until I WAS READY.lol

My infant pictures have the the forceps imprints on my face until I was almost six months. and I was always taller than my peers. When I was nine months the doctors said my intestines were twisted and EIGHT doctors told my mother that I would need surgery. It was one nurse from my mothers hometown who told her that God said,"Don't let those doctors cut your baby."

I grew up loving rock and roll and being "different" from what folks believed I should be. I can remember when my childhood friend got into a horrendous car accident that rendered her paralyzed and mentally incapacitated. When they wheeled her to school, I was the only one who ran up to her and cried when she couldn't speak to me. I can still see her dribbling saltine crackers that I fed her because I knew she liked saltines as much as I did. I can remember my grandmother and mother trying to explain to me why my friend was like she was. I also remember the day she passed. I often think about her.

It is that determination and love of people that I have carried within me to this day. I am not the easiest person to get along with because I don't accept "can't". Either you tried and failed or you tried and became victorious with God's help.

It is that determination that led me to Reading, Pa to stump for Barack Obama. Far away from my comfort zone and all reasonable explanation to my friends and family. Just up jumped and boogied to a place I knew NOTHING of. Where I met some incredible people. some I am still in contact with and some I know I will never see or speak to again-but yet bonded at that time and moment.

Barack won. Yay. Yippee. Now the real work has to begin. Within US. ESPECIALLY us black folk. The excuses are OVER. The true legacy of Barack's presidency is how we as a people take up his mantle and run with it.

Demand that respect from others-yes-BUT demand that respect within our own selves FIRST. The time for selfishness has got to be over in our community.

Cleaning the lists in my life

There are days where I can just let things go and then there are days where I stop it right at the quick. It is very hard to try to walk right. It really is when everyone around you is walking wrong.

Then there are the quiet moments when a rank stranger sends you a note and it reminds you that your walk isn't alone and how being just YOU helps inspire others.

In this everyday hustle of life, I try to keep on the straight and narrow. I don't walk on water, so there are mistakes and lifes learning lessons along the way.

One of the biggest lessons that I learned at the Obama campaign is nipping things in the bud immediately. I need to stop internalizing things that reallllllly annoy me and when folks try to take advantage of me or take my kindness for weakness to let them not it isn't happening.

I can fight for my friends and family but have a hard time fighting for myself. I am also a slow learner in life. Studious things I catch on quickly but basic life lessons I am very slow. I don't like confrontations. lol

I was reading Sistar Jackies blog and you know what? My delete button works as well! lol I have been cleaning up all of my lists. Brushing the haters off. With love not animosity.

I will NEVER allow anyone to change me from being me because I love Me. But if you decide you don't -I wish you luck.

Like Sistar Jackie said, "Life is too short to worry about haters! " lol

It's funny. Those who try to backbite never realize how I pray for their sucess and lives. Just because I don't announce it in neon letters or from a megaphone, doesn't mean I don't call out their names in my prayers.

How I worry that they are eating and sleeping right. How whatever private things they are going through that God gives them favor.

I do it because that is who I am. I don't need accolades and rewards and pats on the back. Like everything in life, I do it because it needs to be done. Period.

But I have to take that same tenacity and turn it towards ME. I haven't been treating ME too well. I am looking at that woman in the mirror and I am making (not gonna)that change.

My days of being a doormat is OVER. You all are on notice!

To my 30, 40 and up somethings

Aren't you glad you didn't go through your youth in the cyber age? lol I cannot fathom going through high school, college and my twenties online. lol

The closest thing to today was "hitting someone up on their beeper" lol and even THAT annoyed me! Memba #911? lol

We had video cameras and yeah, some folks were wicked with them-but you didn't have what the young folks have today. Todays sins is Todays Youtube. lol

Just think in your private thoughts, some of the "fun" you had back in the day. Can you imagine that two faced jealous heffa posting it for the world to see? We laugh about sex tapes, but can you imagine folks videoing you without your knowledge and creating a website about you?

One of the things I think about our age group that is blatantly different is the fact that we actually had the human touch. We left our homes and hung out with our friends. We got to know people on a personal not technological level.

Whether it was raising and lowering the shade in your bedroom window to signal that you were ready to hang out, or just knowing that you would be going somewhere on the weekends helped that bond.

Our generation was the last of the human touch generation. Times are a changing and it is not for the better.