I always crack up whenever I hear the men can't be FRIENDS with women debate. My BEST FRIEND in the whole wide world is a dude. No, he isn't GAY-he is quite married. The woman he married and I are even closer friends (cuz my BFF refuses to discuss shoes with me) 32 year with this man and he feels like what a blood brother would feel like to me if I had one. He despises (rightfully) every male I have dated. But he holds his "Told you so's" until I get my common sense back when I leave them. Our birthdays are one week apart and we are both TAURUS. So I don't have to tell you that our conversations can get pretty LIVELY. But never once has a conversation ended without an I love you despite of you. lol As far as sex is concerned, we have NEVER gone THERE. Not even to the neighborhood or around the block. Besides the fact that we aren't each others TYPE-it has always been from moment one-Just like siblings. My Buddy is very ill right now and my heart is aching. If I could-I would wave a magic wand and sent a unicorn of healing to him. Because he is a good man. A good husband and father. It seems like people like Donald Trump-NOTHING ever befalls them. But GOOD PEOPLE, it just seems like the enemy just keep on attacking them. Unlike females, male friends aren't catty nor competitive with you. When they fall in the LOVE-they don't abandon you. If you and the woman he loves can't or just won't get along, they still make time for you.

When I was a young girl, my mother would take me to Woolworths on 125th St in Harlem to pick up school supplies every year. After picking up my Trapper Keeper, pencils and rulers we would go do one of my FAVORITE things; go to the counter and get me a cheeseburger and strawberry milkshake. As I would sit on those stools spinning around until I was dizzy (or my mother made me stop! lol) I had no CONCEPT of the ability just to sit at a Woolworth counter and order food. I felt it was my Right to be served. I was served my beloved cheeseburger and milkshake and I ate with love and appreciation of those cheeseburgers that was slightly burnt on the outside and so juicy that the juice would run down my arms. As I grew older, my parents shared the struggle they had when they were my age to even be able to SIT at a Woolworth counter. They taught me and my sister about this word SEGREGATION. In school I learned Martin Luther King was good and Malcolm X was bad. I was HORRIFIED at an assembly where the school showed The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman. The scene where the rebels killed Odetta and her infant stays vivid in my mind today. We watched Roots as a family. I cried and asked my parents the hard questions. I couldn't BELIEVE Mike Brady (Robert Reed) was using the N Word. Lorne Greene wasn't selling Alpo Dog Food but patting John Amos on the head like a dog. Vic Morrow was whipping Kunta and I damned near had a fit. I couldn't wrap my MIND around what I was seeing and reading. My school history books made slavery not so bad. They almost blamed Harriette Tubman for "freeing the slaves." It wasn't until college when I took an African Studies class that it became REAL to me. I thank my parents for raising me as a Christian First and a Black Woman second. I thank those who died so that I can be where I am and live where I live. My parents didn't teach me hate or racism. They taught me ABOUT racism, but never were racists themselves. On Election Night, I was in Pennsylvania working for the Obama campaign. When he won, I thought of my Mom. How PROUD she would have been to live to see a black President. I honestly cried for two hours off an on. My eyes were shut tight as a drum when I woke up the next day. My peers like my adopted "Mom" Rona Pienta knew it was a big moment for me, but I had a hard time explaining WHY. I felt we truly had overcame. In my own way I STILL do. Not simply because President Obama was black, but he was more that qualified to do the job. We had a conference call with then Candidate Obama and I snuck into the garage to cry(cuz I am PRIVATE like that) because the moment was overwhelming. Another worker had the same emotion and we stood together, me a black woman and he a hispanic man sharing one emotion that no one in that room could really and truly understand. I have multicultural friends and they will tell you-I have NO SHAME in putting someone in their place or give them a history lesson because I am a Proud Black Woman. I had no idea how many people remember no where I traveled in this world, I kept my straightening comb in my suitcase! lol I gave my former boss Janet Cowlan a coronary one night before a gig! lol I am 45 now. I miss those Woolworth cheeseburgers. I miss spinning on those stools. I miss my Mom. But I still carry that pure arrogance of you can't tell me where to eat, where I can go, who I can be friends with, and I now teach the young people who come into my life the lessons taught to me. It is my generations responsibility to take up that mantle and pass it forward and we are failing at doing that.

The hardest thing about walking as a Christian is resisting the urge to go punch folks square in their lying mouths. Then I go back to The Word and I am reminded they lied on Jesus. While i cannot control what they do-I CAN control how I react. My SIL Donna Kinard-Moore and I had a very deep discussion because this year I have been "thinning the herd" left and right-and standing by my decisions. The majority are two of my mother's sisters and their seeds. I am dealing with my temper. (My temper is LEGENDARY to all who have known me more than 20+ years. I promised my grandmother than I would stop knocking folks the hell out and carry myself as beautiful on the inside as I am on the outside. Anyone who knows me KNOWS that once I make a promise-I work on it INSTANTLY to keep my word. I in turn allowed people to use me as a doormat because I felt being a Christian meant allowing folks to hurt me and I just "turned the other cheek" and forgive as Christ did. But my pastor and I during one of my sessions showed me that even Jesus got angry and flipped tables. lol The anger ISN'T the Sin-the sin lies within my own actions and or reactions. I am a Taurus through and through. Wrong me and you are a WRAP. No backsies. But one day while studying The Holy Spirit was ministering to me: "What if Jesus felt that way about YOU?" What if God said, I am sorry Rave, I just can't forgive you for what you did!" There is no Top Ten permissible sins. There is no get out of hell free card because folks have witnessed my outward behaviors. In what God sees in me that will allow me to strive to be in His Will and Favor. I am learning that while my feelings and hurts are VALID-the turning of the other cheek is acknowledging my anger and hurt, but also giving them to God-and LEAVING THEM THERE. God made me without my help and there is NOTHING He can't handle for me. But the key is TRUSTING that however God handles it-keep me own nose Clean. I refuse to live this short life hating and holding onto things that aren't edifying my spirit. I refuse to say "I just don't trust NO ONE." To live under that umbrella is saying that you don't even trust yourself to assess and make wise decisions. There are no perfect people. I WILL SAY that for every person I cut off-God has been sending SO MUCH BETTER into my life. Cutting them off wasn't a loss. God couldn't send better until I cleaned up MY OWN messes. It may seem hard, but if you hold your peace and TRUST God-you will find it getting easier and easier. There is something about a woman from what I have learned from others as well as myself; that after 40-you have less anger and patience for nonsense. I no longer have "circles" be it inner or outer circles because circles are round. You just find yourself going around and round with the same garbage with no escape. I now have more of a parallelogram way of thinking and folks who are in my life. Rave #StraightTalkExpress